The early warning signs came from the piped music as we took our seats (an hour late it has to be said) on Astraeus flight AEU295. Chart hits from the late Seventies and early Eighties played out on a sound system that left a lot to be desired.

But that hark back to those decades was a scary premonition of what was to come, as the main entertainment system was like something you’d have expected to see 25 years ago.

The stewardesses sold (yes, sold) headsets with double connector jacks - one plug for each ear. That means there was no way to plug your own excellent headphones in as we could with our Shure model on BA’s system, unless you wanted to only hear the film in one ear. As well as the audio for the movie, there was also a choice of five other radio channels. Hardly exhaustive.

But when the film came on all these other worries paled into nothingness. The Guardian, starring Kevin Kostner and Ashton Kutcher, was shown on a tiny screen serving multiple rows. That meant the window seats had an obscured view thanks to the overhead compartments.

Not that any of this really mattered. The image quality was appalling and it was debateable whether this was down to the screen itself or caused by a recording played over and over again (we assume it was on video).

Film companies advertise against you buying illegal copies of movies because the quality will be so much poorer than the original. On this evidence, they should be telling you to fly with another airline.

When other carriers are giving you a personalised, seatback, video-on-demand service, with GPS maps to follow your flight’s progress and basic console games to stop you shifting in your seat, Astraeus has a long way to go to catch up.

VERDICT: 1/10